My Adult Bar Mitzvah

On December 18, 2010, 35 years after turning 13, I finally became a Bar Mitzvah. It was a joyous occasion with my parents, sisters, family and friends present. During the ceremony, I presented a D'var Torah. It speaks of my journey and the importance of becoming a Bar Mitzvah as an adult. Here are the same words I read inside Temple Adat Shalom.

My D'var Torah

Growing up I always knew I was Jewish but something was missing. I loved celebrating Hanukkah and Passover but the meaning behind those special holidays was something I never really understood as a child. I certainly loved opening gifts each night of Hanukkah and searching for the affikomen on Passover but looking back, something was missing. What wasn’t there was a deeper understanding of what it meant to be Jewish. My journey in search of those answers has brought me here with you today.
What I lacked in religious knowledge I always made up for in curiosity. As a child I never felt like I was missing out on something by not becoming a Bar Mitzvah. But as I became an adult there was always a feeling of emptiness and with that emptiness came fear. Religion scared me although I’m not sure why. I often came up with excuses as to why I shouldn’t join a synagogue. I can’t afford it and I don’t read Hebrew were just a few, but deep down I knew I wanted more.
Four years ago I made a decision that changed my life forever. I decided to pursue Bar Mitzvah training by becoming a member of Temple Adat Shalom. It turned out being one of the most fulfilling decisions I’ve ever made.
This is truly a celebration. But those who know me best also know that this isn’t the only thing I’ve celebrated the past few months. I’m still giddy over my San Francisco Giants winning the World Series!

I am so thrilled to be celebrating this day with my family and friends. Some of my family members came a long way to be with me today. I’m truly touched to be joined by my dad and stepmom who came all the way from Boston. My mom, stepdad and uncle are here from Scottsdale, my sisters are down from Oxnard & L.A. and my best friend is down from the Bay Area. I’m also joined by my wonderful in-laws, friends and co-workers. Thank you all so much for being here.
Before I continue must thank the one woman who’s been by my side during this journey… and a lot longer than that, my wife Kristine. Hon, thanks for being there and never giving up on me and for the never ending support you’ve given me while I studied for this day over the past year. I love you. It was Kristine’s own journey in earning her Masters & becoming a Nationally Board Certified Teacher that inspired me to pursue this.
I must also say thanks to my sons Matthew & Jordan who bring me more joy than they’ll ever know. I love you guys! Of course I couldn’t have done this without the Dynamic Duo… I’m talking about Rabbi David Castiglione and Cantor Lori Frank. Learning from them and getting to know them in a way most Temple members never get the chance to…. has been nothing short of amazing. Finally a huge thank you to my B’nai Mitzvah partners Lorraine, Sybil and Juliet for their friendship. What we shared together is indescribable!
When Rabbi told me I’d get the chance to share with all of you how I feel about my journey and what brought me here, I was very excited. But when I found out I’d also have to tie it in to the Torah portion I read my reaction was, uh oh!
I’ve never been one to quote scripture. Unless lyrics to Bruce Springsteen’s “Born to

Run” were considered scripture…. “The highways jammed with broken heroes on a last chance power drive,” then I was in trouble.
It took some time, but I was finally able to figure things out. My torah portion finds Jacob on his deathbed, calling his 12 sons together to bless them. Some of the sons would receive greater blessings than others. But even those sons who were rebuked by Jacob and whose futures were portrayed as dismal were blessed. What Jacob speaks of is prophecy. His words reveal “things to come” for his descendants or in other words, their destiny.
Destiny brought me here with you today, but was it preordained? I think not. During our lives we’re faced with making decisions. But little do we know at the time that some of those decisions are life changing moments. I faced one such moment in December 1985. I was engaged to Kristine, just six months away from getting married and my dad offered me a job that I turned down. It was in the very early days of sports talk radio and it was a wonderful opportunity. However it would have kept me on the East Coast thousands of miles away from the woman I loved. My self esteem or lack thereof got the best of me. Having zero confidence that a long distance relationship would work, I turned down the opportunity. Over the years I’ve often wondered how things would have played out had I taken that job. There is some regret over my decision. But one thing I do know is that if I had taken that job I wouldn’t be here with you today.
My life has been far from perfect and I continue to make amends for mistakes I’ve made. But life is more about progress, not perfection. I keep that in mind as I celebrate this very special day with my friends and family. I’m so proud and honored to share this with you.
Thank you.